kist has the caffiene.
kist actually wrote me the FUCK back.
i think kist sent me a nightmare.
i could not have...no, definitely.
it is one of those things like in the twilight zone.
"you had that dream, too?" but after astrology since
my diapers, i know what it means.
a cry for help is a cry for help.
diet coke sent me a nightmare. her father was on top of her,
enjoying himself. diet coke also threw BRICKS on a dude out of a second story window. i bet she wasn't smiling. she was probably, well, sometimes an f-bomb is just an f-bomb.
i know what horny means, the word. it means the guy is like the devil, or a bull, and well, ready to rape a wall or a vase, or a melon, anything with a hole or that can be holed. so i don't use the word to describe myself. especially with my asiatic friends who are often bewildered by intricacies of english languages.
like american or australian. as different as cantonese and getting butchered in an alley.
anyway, i love you! but i don't love your guilt or misery feelings.
those aren't yours, you got them from others. so this dream that the astrologer had starring you telling me about your worst situation in waking life, your point of misery and exhaustion and contemplation of self destruction, that just means that you are a healthy human being. no cliches here, you are a healthy human being and should journal. meaning not blog. not online. paper. when you are alone.
because you dreamjournaled me, and i don't fucking appreciate your misery. if i didn't have basically the same scars, well, we would not have anything in common, much less be exchanging notes in the back of class in this crude and ugly intermanner.
this is why i refuse ever to get married. i am legally allowed to perform ceremonies. i married sageandsimone.net, wherever they are i hope they kept it together. but i have a bad feeling. anyway: the point is
we are in jail. all of us. everybody on this planet doesn't fear dragons or The Blob or Ferengi or Lord Vader. All fear cops. That is the BAD sort of conditioning, mh to mh, not like being in top shape. It's being scared all the time and just growing scar material on your psyche. i got a lot of therapy in the 1990s, see...
when i turned around and saw everyone else with the sick that i had finally got done puking up, mh, then and really then i saw how sick they were. they had no idea.
you have more than some idea or a clue or a grip,
you have the thing that is better than havingness in this retarded materialist capitalist workers' paradise: you have KNOWINGness. and so you know you want more for yourself than you have had. in this life. and you have looked for it but like me, you have only seen glimpses, too far away to get a grip on.
also as an asiatic female,
you are a member in good standing of the MOST oppressed caste on this planet, even more so than african females who don't suffer under philosophical torments as we buddhists do so often and so epic in our shared history. this is why the talk on the SGI boards is lousy with profanity and ephitets, even though Daishonen was so skilled and sublime: almost no one understands. They might as well be saying the Hail Mary.
it was horrible. as a psychic i can say that it was not my nightmare but i would have had suicidal dark thoughts that day had it been my nightmare and not told anyone.
what a good person you are! but females in asiatic nations, mh, you know that they are abused and die, often married but without the love that they hoped for. just miserable. this is the sort of thing where you have to fight yourself, inwardly and without damaging or cutting yourself.
for example. diet pepsi is a chemical burn in a fucking can. all those chemicals are there to make people who have already pledged allegiance to the fucking republic even MORE robotic and full of actual formaldehyde. it turns into formaldehyde in the body.
besides occasional mild liquid based fasting i would advise, no, not fifteen hail marys. you already have doctor seuss disease. but you know how to use it.
no, you gotta think about you yourself and you, alone. in a culture where the subtext is your ego and desire are evil poison, you have to have ego boundaries and be at peace with wanting what you want. that's an important point.
i am glad we agree. but you have to get alone to do that. just you.
and feel good about yourself and say over and over to yourself 'what i really want is' and over and over until the wrong answers come up. like brainpuke.
after a good hard puke
people usually feel better. enzymes are released: the stomach has a sympathetic reaction to the duodenum and esophagus. a real body reaction.
in the same way, meat that one eats is full of fear and hate ENZYMES that are generated in the food animal just before death -- or all through life, because veal know full well that they are not gonna be pets.
so lighten up on meat, eat vegetable and fruit juice. no joke. citrus is good for your body type.
have you ever peeled a lemon by hand? i dare you.
eat citrus, and think about masaru emoto. more water than you think is healthy. deluded american reiki-jin dana thinks that too much water drinking will end her kidneys. HOPEFULLY she has gotten wise.
she has a lot of potential. but we know what usui went through to get where he got, right? fucking crackers. they already own japan. they get a piece of $900 rice paper and they wave their hands and criticize their victim clients when they duh, have no more healing power than a glass of warm tap water.
which is to say none. usui fasted for thirty days to develop this art.
so you can safely fast for 1 day. and that means just drink liquids. even if you liquefy a bag of vegetables and make your own V8 the advantage is that it eases up on your COLON.
the blood that your body must send to your abdomen, where your heart lives, is shunted up to the BRAIN. so you get smarter...
you do. your abdomen is working triple time like a fucking slave, keeping impacted mucoid foecal matter down there. one day every two weeks of fasting? or like that?
in two months you will start having better ideas because all the blood doesn't RUSH to your head like yoga, the blood is cleaner because the shit is not leaching into your bloodstream.
that is what three years of mixing mantak chia with other stuff has SHOWN me. i get off the toilet after this basic program and i am like WHOA. my BRAIN works.
then i go online and i am thinking circles around nurds.
